How did it compare?

Us, as a family of four

One question that I've gotten quite a bit since Baby H came along is: How has having a baby in the US compare to having a baby in Switzerland? They were very different experiences in a number of ways, some good, some bad, but different. My doctor was also very interested, as in her opinion, Switzerland is viewed as the pinnacle of socialized medicine.

As I said, they were different. To start off with, before the baby arrives in the US you start going to the doctor once per week. I don't recall doing this with K Bear; maybe it was every two weeks when we got to 36 weeks? Additionally, if you are going to a public hospital in Switzerland, your doctor will not deliver the baby, as they don't have privileges at the hospital.

I had one appointment with the hospital doctor who would deliver K Bear prior to her arrival so she could get familiarized with us and we could meet her, but other than that I saw my doctor until I delivered, then not again until my six-week follow up after K Bear arrived. One HUGE advantage of this is that your doctor is generally on time for her routine appointments, as opposed to the ones in the US where who knows how long you'll have to wait.

 

As far as the delivery experience, I can't really compare. Mostly because Baby H came so much faster than K Bear. We were at the hospital for about 15 hours before K Bear arrived, and it was a total of three before we had Baby H in our arms. And yes, I did have time to get an epidural...I don't know how people do it without. Both were good experiences- loved our midwife in Switzerland and loved our nurse here too. In both places, the doctor pretty much comes in to catch the baby upon arrival.

Post-delivery is where Switzerland really outdoes itself, and I can now see why my friends in the US thought I was crazy when I said we would stay in the hospital for a number of days. We stayed in the hospital for about four days after K Bear was born, and it was a great experience. In the US, not so much. After 36 hours I was so ready to get out of there and get home.

In Switzerland you typically have one nurse caring for you who only disturbs you when necessary; not meaning for random crap they think they need, they typically come into your room if you want them there for something. In the US, on the other hand, they tell you is that you need to rest, but I have never seen so many people come in and out of a room at all hours of the day and night as I did at the hospital here. BK finally had to tell the head nurse to put a sign on the door for no one to come in to do things. Whether it was taking my vitals, doing a test on Baby H, cleaning, bringing a meal, or whatever...there was constantly someone in and out of my room. It was crazy, and I couldn't wait to get out of there!

The other thing is how much it costs to have a baby here. With private "first tier" insurance in Switzerland, having K Bear did not cost us anything. As in, zero dollars. I think we have pretty good insurance here through BK's employer, but we're getting bill after bill for Baby H's delivery, hospital stay and random other stuff, and it adds up.

On a side note, I know many of you may be thinking...it's because Switzerland's taxes are so high that medical care is so good and so affordable. Not so much. Our tax rate in the US is higher than in Switzerland. So yes, I do think there is a solution to our health care system mess the US is in right now.

The last thing would be more about aftercare. In Switzerland, a midwife comes to your home for 10 visits after the baby is born. She does all of the routine things that you do when you see your pediatrician here at two days, two weeks, one month, etc., such as weighing, checking on eating, helping with breastfeeding, and checking mom to make sure things are normal there. In fact, in Switzerland, you don't actually see your pediatrician until you go in at two months for your child's first vaccination. So having to get out and go to the pediatrician when we were a day out of the hospital was a bit of a shock.

And even though I didn't deal with this, Switzerland actually has the "worst" maternity leave in Europe, with only 14 weeks paid leave (80% pay). Most women I knew on maternity leave actually took way more time than that. And even though being a stay-at-home mom is not for me, I also very much realize that I am not, and would not, be ready to leave Baby H at daycare right now. And don't worry, I also very much realize how fortunate I am to have this choice right now.

Baby H's arrival

My three bullet points

We still need our outside time!

A couple of weeks ago BK and I went out for some brief shopping and a date night. It wasn't our first night out, but after adjusting to life as a family of four, it was our first one after again realizing that we really had to make time for ourselves and our relationship, not being distracted by everything happening in our lives or only talking about K Bear and Baby H. We hit up The Usual and Ellerbe Fine Foods, both great places on Magnolia. Ellerbe might be my new favorite place to eat in Fort Worth.

One of BK's questions at dinner was: "If I had to identify three bullet points about our life since we'd moved back, what would they be?" For those of you who know BK, this is such a him question, but it led to lots of good conversation about what we'd both experienced here since moving back home. I don't think he even gave me his bullet points, but here are mine. 

Our general feeling about Baby H (Photo credit: Rooted in Love)

I feel like my life can really move forward now that Baby H has come along.
Not that I didn't have a life before, but with all the moving, shipment stuff, getting settled, finishing renovations, and getting ready for Baby H, now that he's here, I feel like I can start thinking about what happens next for me. It's kind of like, our life is in order and we actually live here, so now I can think about what I'll do next. 

One thing that goes with this is that I am so not meant to be a full-time stay at home mom. When I've said this to family and close friends, they all act like this is obvious and, of course I'm not meant to be at home. I'm not sure what's so different about the US versus Switzerland, but it is just not my thing. I'm not quite sure what my professional life will look like, but it will look like something.

Mawmaw with her four

Nani with her four

We wanted family and we definitely have it!
This is a good thing, don't worry, but SO different from what we've had for the past three years. Friends often ask if we see one of my family members every day. It's not every day, but I would say we probably see someone from either my or BK's family probably four out of seven days during the week. In the past week it has been Thursday (both), Friday (both), Saturday (both), Sunday (his), Monday (his), Tuesday (his), and Thursday (mine). Even on the days we don't actually see someone, we typically FaceTime with someone. Yes I know it's a lot, and it's not for everyone, but it's been good for us.

On most weeks, seeing family also includes someone watching the littles for us so we can go out. Win-win for everyone! I keep asking BK if/when he thinks the new will wear off! This brings me to my third bullet point...

The one pic of BK and I since Baby H has arrived

BK and I are still working to figure out how we work being back here.
Even though we've lived here before, we lived here as a family of two, both successful in our careers, no kids, and pretty much doing whatever we wanted to do. Obviously things have changed a bit now that we're back, and we're working on navigating what that means for us as a couple. Just like living in Switzerland, where for the first time in our marriage we were completely by ourselves (no family or friends close) and had to learn what it meant for us, and how we would work there as well. Moving back here is the same, just with different circumstances.

A couple of weeks ago BK came home and said he was trying to do a good job at balancing home, work and friends, to which I replied that I pretty much only had home right now, so I really didn't want to hear how he was balancing, because I felt as if I didn't have anything to balance at the moment. Not exactly the case, but like I said, we're trying to figure things out, and it's a work in progress. Adding Baby H to our family would have taken adjustment regardless, but add making a move back home from being abroad to that, and you have a few things to adjust to.

So yeah, that's where we are right now, always a work in progress and figuring things out. The one question we always get is: Is it good to be back in the US? Most definitely.

The waiting game

HG and K Bear enjoying the fountain

Obviously it's been quite a while since I gave any kind of update about what has been going on with us...as in since late May. Yikes. Just a little has happened since I posted last. I think we were about to leave for Florida with BK's family. We had a great time at Rosemary Beach with everyone. It was a nice getaway and provided us some great quality time to catch up and spend with BK's family as soon as we moved back.

K Bear has been busy with lots of other activities this summer

Ah yes, then came the moving. I really don't even know how to start to explain the process we've been through- let's just say it hasn't exactly been easy. After we returned from Florida, we moved into our temporary apartment and the work really started on both our new house and our old house that we were hoping to get on the market soon.

In reality, our new house was totally move-in ready, as a family of five was previously living here. But when we bought our house we knew this would be our house that we raised our family in, and we wanted to really make it ours and make it feel like home to us. So we've pretty much painted every surface in the house, have redone the master bathroom, added some things to the kitchen...and then there's the furniture- a story in itself.

As you may or may not know, we got an air shipment and sea shipment when moving from Switzerland. Our air shipment arrived shortly after we did with no problem. Unfortunately I cannot say the same about the sea shipment. Somehow water got into our sea shipment container and nearly everything had mold or some kind of water damage to it. They immediately threw away our couches, mattresses, and a number of kid things. Then we were left with a huge pile that needed to be assessed as to whether or not they could be cleaned or not- in the end, most could not be cleaned and were thrown away.

Not what you want to see when they unwrap your stuff

It was really unfortunate, but ultimately you quickly realize that there's really not much that is irreplaceable. Somehow only two of the paintings we'd been collecting were not salvageable, and all the others made it. Additionally, Kate's baby book and all of our wedding pictures somehow made it as well.  There were some things they marked for disposal that I could not bring myself to part with, and others they attempted to clean that I can't bring myself to use, so have been thrown away. Obviously we made it through, but it was a process to say the least! And to get back to the furniture, needless to say, we have pretty much gotten all new furniture for the house, as nearly all of ours was ruined.

Abbs, Lala and K Bear with Mimi and PopPop for the 4th of July

K bear has been a trooper to say the least, pretty much rolling with the punches and adjusting really well. I'm not quite sure what she would do if we had to go back, as she' so used to seeing Cookie, Mimi, PopPop, Abbs, Lala, Nani, Aunt Linds, Mawmaw and everyone else, we would have serious withdrawals if we weren't so close. BK and I love it though, and it's exactly why we wanted to move back. I have a little guilt that we haven't gotten out and been social with all of the neighbors, but we have had a lot going on to say the least, so the time will come, and we'll be friendlier neighbors.

Sometimes we miss things from Switzerland, like kid-sized grocery carts

Right this second we're pretty much just playing the waiting game for Baby H to make his appearance. If he doesn't come before, he'll be coming into the world sometime on Monday. So now I'm to the point where I'm crossing random stuff off my list, that in theory I wanted to get done, but I figured they'd eventually get done somewhere down the line. I never thought I'd actually get them done before Baby H arrived. For example, updating my resume and cover letter for when I would like to start looking for work at the end of the year and picking out a bridal portrait for BK's parents' house (11 years later, but that's beside the point).

It's been quite a whirlwind to say the least. And now that we're settled Baby H is going to come along and do his thing. I hope to post again soon, but we'll see how that goes. I'm sure the next time I post we'll be a family of four!