10 things I never thought I’d say (and probably be celebrating)

This is an article I recently wrote for an expat parent newsletter here in Basel- wanted to share.

Ah the joys of being a new parent…some days it’s relatively smooth sailing and others kind of feel like a slap in the face. As a new mom who is almost 12 weeks in, I’ve often found that I laugh about how different things are now from before our daughter, including saying things that I never thought I would hear come out of my mouth. Here are a few of my favorites- I’m sure some will sound familiar!

1. “It’s so weird that I grew a human.”  Birth is absolutely a miraculous event, but after we got home from the hospital and things calmed down a bit, I found myself pondering this quite often. I’m sure I first told my husband this thought on a walk along the river together. Before having our daughter, my thought was that you grow all kinds of other stuff- flowers, grass, height, and many others things. But a human? Crazy.
2. “Wake up babe, it’s 5:30 in the morning!” It’s very possible that I said this before becoming a parent, but in a completely different context. I have never put so much glee into a whispered statement to my husband early in the morning. For the first time, our daughter had slept from 9pm to 6am, and I woke up confused as to why I was still asleep. At the point when I realized she was actually still asleep, I felt the need to wake my husband up to share my excitement.
3. “Woo hoo! 200 mL!”  This may be a little too much information for people, but I never thought I would be celebrating how much breast milk I produce. When our daughter first arrived I was not making enough for her and we were supplementing with formula on a regular basis. It has felt like a huge milestone every time I’ve reached a significant number, especially if it’s more than I’ve ever done before. There are usually high fives involved as well.
4. “Come on, poop for mom.” Yes, this statement has come out of my mouth numerous times. I’m typically talking to our daughter in a sing-songy voice as we are getting ready to leave the house and go somewhere. It typically doesn’t coax anything out of her, but I can always hope. Recently she seems to have decided that the train is her ideal place, as every time we take one somewhere I am making numerous trips to the changing station.
5. “It’s a miracle…I cleaned our whole apartment in one day!” I seriously undervalued how easy it was to clean the apartment before our daughter arrived. Now it’s done in approximately four segments throughout the day, as I fit it in around her sleep schedule. I also underestimated how awesome I would feel once I finally accomplished this. It’s the only non-baby thing I got done that day, but it was done. Of course, I had to alert my husband of my accomplishment in a text that was shortly followed by:
6. “Now if I can get a shower in I’ll be golden.” I never thought I would have to figure out how to fit a shower into my day. Before our daughter was born I generally got up, showered and went about my day. Now it’s a whole new routine, and during nap time, I feel the need to jump into action on all the other seemingly more important things to do around the house. It hasn’t been all that bad though; there’s only been one day that I didn’t actually get a shower.
7. “I can’t believe I got all the laundry done!” This is obviously very similar to me getting our apartment cleaned, but it feels like a huge accomplishment when I get all of our laundry done in one day- including folding and being put away. People warned me about this one; I thought because we have a combo washer/dryer it would be easier. Not so much.
8. “Just wipe it off- it’s just a little spit up.” Since having our daughter, I’ve had to convince myself that spit up is not throw up, but it’s still technically her regurgitated food. I just didn’t realize how many of the shoulders of my shirts would be spotted with it. She doesn’t spit up a lot (amount or frequency), but I know at some point that shoulder will at least be drooled on again, so don’t bother changing shirts every time it happens.
9. “Oooohhh, that was a good burp.” Growing up in a household with all girls, we didn’t really do the whole gross bodily functions thing. But now with a child of my own, I realize that getting said bodily functions out actually make my life a lot more pleasant for the remainder of the time she is awake and that feeding time is not actually over until a good burp is had.
10. “Yes the brake is on.” My husband requested that I include this one. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times, specifically in relation to our stroller. I had an unfortunate event with the stroller before our daughter arrived, and long story short, the stroller ended up in the Rhein. We had hired a dog trainer to help get the dogs ready for our new arrival and she and I were out practicing walking with the stroller and dogs. We took a break from the stroller for a minute to practice something else, and unfortunately I forgot to put the brake on…next thing I know, our stroller is in the river. So, yes the brake is always on.