Is the American way the right way?

Now that I've finished my assigned dog book, I've moved onto parenting books. I decided I should save these for the third trimester so I might actually remember something when Baby K comes along, and I figured without so much travel I would probably have a little more time. I was right, but I didn't realize how much I would enjoy this first one: Bringing Up Bebe.

I probably found it most interesting because by living outside of the US I've already experienced many cultural differences myself living in Switzerland- both in regard to raising children and in relation to our life in general. This particular book looks at what has become the "American" way of motherhood and raising children and compares them to how the French do things. Living here, BK and I have obviously had other American ways challenged, including the one I posted about the other day, the fact that it's so much easier to be healthy here and that making everything ultra convenient, around-the-clock, and placing a high value on business are not necessarily a good thing.

Even though Baby K was a shock to everyone else, BK and I had discussed many things about having a family at length amongst ourselves. Before it happened, we talked a lot about what we would be most excited about and what were we feared the most. We do still have those conversations, but have also now started discussing what type of parents we think we want to be, how we'll handle discipline, how our relationship will change, expectations of one another, and lots of other stuff.

Many people say, "LK, you can't know those things until your child comes along, then you will figure out how to do things- it depends on the child." Umm, for me that's just not enough. I feel like our life will be all willy nilly and crazy, which neither of us function very well within. Maybe it's weird of me to plan to do things keeping in mind the way that BK and I function best, but we're the ones who will make the family run, so it makes sense to me. Also, after nearly nine years of marriage I'm not sure that we know what else to do.

Going back to the book, one of the funny things that I found was that about 2/3 of the way through I realized that I think this how my parents parented. Maybe that's why I found myself nodding all the way through, like this doesn't seem so foreign to me after all.

A couple of my favorite tidbits include:

• Could it be that making children delay gratification actually makes them calmer and more resilient? Having kids who can wait makes family life more pleasant.
• Kids learning to play by themselves is important- it helps them learn to be happy by themselves.
• Teaching your kids frustration is not a bad thing. A child must learn from a very young age that he's not alone in the world, and that there's a time for everything.
• She's (a mom) always been very clear on what was okay and what wasn't. She managed to be both affectionate and have authority without ever raising her voice.
• If every misbehavior is treated as equal, how will they know what's important?
• The couple is the most important. It's only thing that you chose in your life. Your children, you didn't chose. You chose your husband; you're going to make your life with him, so you have an interest in it going well. Your children will eventually leave and it will be back to the couple.

Like I said, these were just a few, and I highlighted tons of stuff so that BK could read up on my notes. One of the biggest things that I was taught early on and carried with me throughout life is to make myself happy before I ever try to make anyone else happy. I think I'll carry this with me through parenthood, knowing that I'll be a much better parent if I'm able to fulfill other areas of my life as well- husband, career, friends, baking, running, traveling, time by myself…just to name a few.

Do I think this is the "right" way? I'm not sure, but I think people should do what works for them and BK and I will make a go at it the way we think works for us too.